It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
When did angry sex become our thing?
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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