Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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