I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
