Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
