Need sex. Gaining weight.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
