JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
