surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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