please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
