3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
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