She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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