ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
