the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
