What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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