I think im going to throw up on grandma
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
