So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
