Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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