my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
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