That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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