If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
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