sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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