Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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