Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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