Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
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It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
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Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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