hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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