Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize