My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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