remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Randomize
