The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
