had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
