Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
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When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
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She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
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