i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
