every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
