he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
