I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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