Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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