omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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