Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I can't put those talents on a resume
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
