These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
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