im drinking this country out of the recession.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
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