Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
porn star boner night. come get it.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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