i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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