It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
There are leaves in my underwear?
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
