She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
