Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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