I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
