As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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