my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
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