Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
The adults are the big ones right?
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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