i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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