I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
