I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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