I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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