please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
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