The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Randomize
