Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
