She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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