I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
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