I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I have already put on my inside pants.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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