He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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