Walk of Shame. In a state park.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
