drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
