Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
