I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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