I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
