break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
