I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
